well most of my day revolves around power hour
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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