All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
