this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
