I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
