I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish i was in the wii world.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
