yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
