she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
