me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
