life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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