Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
