I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
