you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
