there's paper in my vomit.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
