i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
