Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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