I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize