wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize