And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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