Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
