I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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