It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
