Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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