so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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