I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
