Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
