Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
