What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize