God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize