just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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