Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
