Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
