What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
