i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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