Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
