I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
