went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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