Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
third nipple confirmed
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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