honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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