the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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