Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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