The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
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