Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he thought i was a dude.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
