I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
