3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
