you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
