I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
