he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
ttyl tear gas
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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