All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
