I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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