i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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