I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
