If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
