my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
