I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
