dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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