just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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