While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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