remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
