dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize