Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My feet surprised me
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