Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
