this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
