she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
