I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
