Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
