this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
