just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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